I still tear up because I want to be with you guys.
_____________________________________
많은 사람들이, 제가 왜 몽골에 가냐고 물어봐요. 거기에 뭐가 있냐고. 그러면 저는 대답해요, 몽골에는 아무것도 없다고. 파리의 낭만, 뉴욕의 웅장함, 서울의 북적거림, 이런거 하나도 없어요. 다른 대도시들과 비교하자면 사막과 같아요.
하지만 어떤 프랑스 사람이 이랬죠, 사막이 특별한 이유는 어딘가 우물을 감추고 있기 때문이라고. 몽골에는 한 아이가 있어요. 당신들에게는 그냥 평범한 몽골인, 즉 3백만의 1이겠죠. 하지만 저에게는 특별해요. 그 아이는 저를 보면 전속력으로 뛰어와서 껴안아주는 지구상의 유일한 사람이에요. 제가 몽골에 가면 언제나 몇시간씩을 투자해서 손으로 만든 선물을 줘요. 그리고 제가 떠날때마다 우는 모습을 보이기 싫어서 입술을 깨물어요. 하지만 저는 알아요, 제가 갈때마다 혼자서 소리없이 운다는 것을.
아직, 저는 그녀를 이성적으로 보고 있지 않아요. 하지만 한없이 사랑해요. 감사해요. 그리고 미안해요.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Love letters
"People in America spend countless hours working miserable jobs to buy themselves a nice car, only to talk about how they hate being in that car for 3 hours a day during traffic.
If it were up to me, I'd rather spend the time walking, holding your hand."
"I am a teacher because I simply had the chance to acquire certain knowledge before others, and had the honor of sharing it. Therefore, being a teacher does not make me smarter or better than others. This is why I respect my students. After all, we are all teachers and students, aren't we?"
"I don't need the help of a language to know what a kind and gentle soul you possess."
"May be it's a good thing that I was only here for 3 weeks. Because it was so short, I cherished every second I spent with you."
"Every time I come to church, the first thing I do is look for you. But come this Thursday, when I leave for Korea - no matter how hard I look, I will not be able to see you. No matter how much I want to see you, I will not be able to. This will bring me great sorrow, and all I will be able to do is to close my eyes and bite my lower lip to ease the pain."
"The day we had dinner and rode the bike, I had so much fun. The day you found out that I had lied, I was so scared - scared of losing our relationship. But when I saw you that night, when I saw your face, I was overcome with such joy that I didn't know what else to do but hug you and say, 'I'm sorry.'
Only a person I love can bring out such wide array of emotions in such a short period of time."
and the untold:
"Do I have any regrets? Yes I do. I regret not holding your hand harder and longer that day."
"I love how we communicate through hugs. Words are a source of misunderstandings."
______________________________________________
written and spoken to various people
If it were up to me, I'd rather spend the time walking, holding your hand."
"I am a teacher because I simply had the chance to acquire certain knowledge before others, and had the honor of sharing it. Therefore, being a teacher does not make me smarter or better than others. This is why I respect my students. After all, we are all teachers and students, aren't we?"
"I don't need the help of a language to know what a kind and gentle soul you possess."
"May be it's a good thing that I was only here for 3 weeks. Because it was so short, I cherished every second I spent with you."
"Every time I come to church, the first thing I do is look for you. But come this Thursday, when I leave for Korea - no matter how hard I look, I will not be able to see you. No matter how much I want to see you, I will not be able to. This will bring me great sorrow, and all I will be able to do is to close my eyes and bite my lower lip to ease the pain."
"The day we had dinner and rode the bike, I had so much fun. The day you found out that I had lied, I was so scared - scared of losing our relationship. But when I saw you that night, when I saw your face, I was overcome with such joy that I didn't know what else to do but hug you and say, 'I'm sorry.'
Only a person I love can bring out such wide array of emotions in such a short period of time."
and the untold:
"Do I have any regrets? Yes I do. I regret not holding your hand harder and longer that day."
"I love how we communicate through hugs. Words are a source of misunderstandings."
______________________________________________
written and spoken to various people
Saturday, August 13, 2011
A letter to Mongolia
Last week I wasn't prepared to share how I really felt about my coming to Mongolia, so I wrote a short letter today. Before I begin, I would like to thank the pastor for giving me this opportunity. And I would also like to apologize to him. I lied and said that I would talk for 5 minutes because I was afraid that he would refuse if I said I would talk for 10. But it's actually 10. I'm sorry.
My favorite book is called "the Little Prince," written by a Frenchman with a long name - Antoine de Saint Exepury. He once said, "if you give your all, you will receive more than what you gave."
I didn't really understand this quote until I came to Mongolia.
You see, I had to sell almost all my possessions to volunteer in Mongolia, and everyone thought I was crazy. Even an elder questioned my decision and asked why I was going to Mongolia. I replied I was going to Mongolia because I love Mongolia. And he asked me again, "why do you love Mongolia?" After much contemplation, I could not answer his question. I said, "I don't know," and he looked at me like a fool and replied, "but that doesn't make any sense." After a long time, I replied:
"Well, why do you love your children? Is there a reason, or do you just love them? Why do you love your mother? Because she cooks for you? Then would you not love her when she's sick? You see, we love our moms for who they are, not what they do. True love is unconditional. I have no idea why I love Mongolia. I just know that I do."
So I came to Mongolia, and experienced the most amazing 6 months of my life. Before I left, many young adults came over to my apartment and we had a small party. After they left, I held the little gift that small Nandia gave me, thought about my time in Mongolia, and I began to cry. At that moment, I understood the Frenchman. I had spent all my money and shared my knowledge with you, and what did I receive in return? You guys taught me how to live.
You see, even though I had everything in America, my life was always so empty because I wasn't spending enough time with people whom I loved. In Mongolia, it was the opposite: I didn't have much, but I was spending so much time with people whom I loved.
I may have had 50 inch TVs back at home, but every hour I spent on TV meant that I lost an opportunity to talk to my family and friends. Every hour I spent on the internet meant that I was missing an opportunity to give someone a hug and share my life. You see, I don't care about the type of TV I had 5 years ago, but I do remember how Enkhbolgang flooded my bathroom and the Mongolian lady downstairs yelled at us for 30 minutes at 1am. It's these times that I cherish and remember, not my former possessions.
Here, I found my purpose in life, which is to love and be loved. I want to love God and be loved by Him. I want to love you and be loved by you. This is why Mongolia is so special to me. I received so much more than what I gave, and I thank you for it.
Now, I would like to finish reading this letter by telling you things I hate about Mongolia.
Right now, I have a great life in Korea. My job pays me well, I love working with kids, I have a lot of vacation... But after coming to Mongolia again, my life in Korea doesn't seem as good.
Another thing I hate about Mongolia is the sky. I have been all over the world but Mongolia has the world's most beautiful sky. Such beautiful clouds, and so many stars at night in the countryside. Now when I go back to Korea and America, the sky will never look the same.
Our young adults, I hate you all. Especially Tom Nandia, you are the worst. You didn't know how to say a single word in English when I was here for six months, and now that I'm here for only two weeks, you suddenly know how to speak both English and Korean? It seems like most young adults can speak either English or Korean now. We could have had even more fun 5 years ago. I hate you guys.
And Small Nandia, I hate you the most. Every time I come to church, the first thing I do is look for you. But come this Thursday, when I leave for Korea - no matter how hard I look, I will not be able to see you. No matter how much I want to see you, I will not be able to. This will bring me great sorrow, and all I will be able to do is to close my eyes and bite my lower lip to ease the pain.
Mongolians, I hate you for making me cry. During the past 10 years, I did not cry once in Korea and America, but I cried all three times I was here.
But I do not regret the time I spent here, for I have the blue sky with me. After I leave in August, fall will come, then winter. And when the spring rolls by, and the sky in America is almost as blue as the Mongolian sky, I will be immersed in past memories. I will close my eyes, and start to run with my arms spread out against the cool spring breeze, reminiscing how children chased after me during the most joyful time in my life. With a thin smile, I won't be lonely, at least not until I open my eyes and the wind carries my memories away. After a deep breath, I will silently utter, 'I wish you were here.'
Thank you all, for so many reasons.
My favorite book is called "the Little Prince," written by a Frenchman with a long name - Antoine de Saint Exepury. He once said, "if you give your all, you will receive more than what you gave."
I didn't really understand this quote until I came to Mongolia.
You see, I had to sell almost all my possessions to volunteer in Mongolia, and everyone thought I was crazy. Even an elder questioned my decision and asked why I was going to Mongolia. I replied I was going to Mongolia because I love Mongolia. And he asked me again, "why do you love Mongolia?" After much contemplation, I could not answer his question. I said, "I don't know," and he looked at me like a fool and replied, "but that doesn't make any sense." After a long time, I replied:
"Well, why do you love your children? Is there a reason, or do you just love them? Why do you love your mother? Because she cooks for you? Then would you not love her when she's sick? You see, we love our moms for who they are, not what they do. True love is unconditional. I have no idea why I love Mongolia. I just know that I do."
So I came to Mongolia, and experienced the most amazing 6 months of my life. Before I left, many young adults came over to my apartment and we had a small party. After they left, I held the little gift that small Nandia gave me, thought about my time in Mongolia, and I began to cry. At that moment, I understood the Frenchman. I had spent all my money and shared my knowledge with you, and what did I receive in return? You guys taught me how to live.
You see, even though I had everything in America, my life was always so empty because I wasn't spending enough time with people whom I loved. In Mongolia, it was the opposite: I didn't have much, but I was spending so much time with people whom I loved.
I may have had 50 inch TVs back at home, but every hour I spent on TV meant that I lost an opportunity to talk to my family and friends. Every hour I spent on the internet meant that I was missing an opportunity to give someone a hug and share my life. You see, I don't care about the type of TV I had 5 years ago, but I do remember how Enkhbolgang flooded my bathroom and the Mongolian lady downstairs yelled at us for 30 minutes at 1am. It's these times that I cherish and remember, not my former possessions.
Here, I found my purpose in life, which is to love and be loved. I want to love God and be loved by Him. I want to love you and be loved by you. This is why Mongolia is so special to me. I received so much more than what I gave, and I thank you for it.
Now, I would like to finish reading this letter by telling you things I hate about Mongolia.
Right now, I have a great life in Korea. My job pays me well, I love working with kids, I have a lot of vacation... But after coming to Mongolia again, my life in Korea doesn't seem as good.
Another thing I hate about Mongolia is the sky. I have been all over the world but Mongolia has the world's most beautiful sky. Such beautiful clouds, and so many stars at night in the countryside. Now when I go back to Korea and America, the sky will never look the same.
Our young adults, I hate you all. Especially Tom Nandia, you are the worst. You didn't know how to say a single word in English when I was here for six months, and now that I'm here for only two weeks, you suddenly know how to speak both English and Korean? It seems like most young adults can speak either English or Korean now. We could have had even more fun 5 years ago. I hate you guys.
And Small Nandia, I hate you the most. Every time I come to church, the first thing I do is look for you. But come this Thursday, when I leave for Korea - no matter how hard I look, I will not be able to see you. No matter how much I want to see you, I will not be able to. This will bring me great sorrow, and all I will be able to do is to close my eyes and bite my lower lip to ease the pain.
Mongolians, I hate you for making me cry. During the past 10 years, I did not cry once in Korea and America, but I cried all three times I was here.
But I do not regret the time I spent here, for I have the blue sky with me. After I leave in August, fall will come, then winter. And when the spring rolls by, and the sky in America is almost as blue as the Mongolian sky, I will be immersed in past memories. I will close my eyes, and start to run with my arms spread out against the cool spring breeze, reminiscing how children chased after me during the most joyful time in my life. With a thin smile, I won't be lonely, at least not until I open my eyes and the wind carries my memories away. After a deep breath, I will silently utter, 'I wish you were here.'
Thank you all, for so many reasons.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
As usual, I will post my pictures on the blog before facebook.
Kevin and I went to Sokcho over the weekend. This picture was taken in a bus. I have no idea where we were.
Taken with Bubman before we left. May be he was telling me not to take a picture. Oh well, it's not like I ever listen to him anyways.
Kevin sleeping comfortably. Olympus has horrible focus... I swear I focused on his face!
Toilet for handicapped, toilet for foreigners.
Finally at sokcho. The reason why we took the bus for 2 hours was to eat grilled fish. Do you see the place that says "전문점" on the far left, in white? That is the place.
Honestly though, the fish was a bit disappointing. It was much better the first 3 times I tried it.
Fish hell.
The squid soon-dae was absolutely amazing though:
Rest of the pictures are just us fooling around. Enjoy!
My friend Matt in the middle, Kevin on the right, and Matt's friend on the left.
Kevin and I went to Sokcho over the weekend. This picture was taken in a bus. I have no idea where we were.
Taken with Bubman before we left. May be he was telling me not to take a picture. Oh well, it's not like I ever listen to him anyways.
Kevin sleeping comfortably. Olympus has horrible focus... I swear I focused on his face!
Toilet for handicapped, toilet for foreigners.
Finally at sokcho. The reason why we took the bus for 2 hours was to eat grilled fish. Do you see the place that says "전문점" on the far left, in white? That is the place.
Honestly though, the fish was a bit disappointing. It was much better the first 3 times I tried it.
Fish hell.
The squid soon-dae was absolutely amazing though:
Rest of the pictures are just us fooling around. Enjoy!
My friend Matt in the middle, Kevin on the right, and Matt's friend on the left.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I hate my iPad
It's official. I hate my ipad. For the past two weeks, I was completely swooned by its ability to entertain me for hours and hours. I was able to show videos and pictures to friends, browse through magazines on the subway, listen to music on a bus, play drums with garage band, connect to the internet, facetime/skype with family and friends back home, and play games in between. It was everything I ever dreamed of.
But the big problem was, I didn't like who I was becoming. I mean, do I have innate geeky tendencies which is why I like to play with gadgets like ipads? or have I become a geek because I play with gadgets like ipads so often? I don't know, but I didn't like the idea of becoming a person who stared at a screen for hours on end. We have one life and to spend 95% of it on eating, shitting, sleeping, working, and watching a screen is truly depressing.
Then what kind of person should you become so that your life isn't depressing? I don't know. In honesty, it's all quite depressing at the end, since we're merely a dust speck in the universe. But I would like to be an important dust speck. You know, the dust speck that made a difference? The dust speck who loved and was loved by other dust specks.
So today when I go back home, I shall not turn on the computer nor open my ipad. I shall instead play my bass, which is also somewhat useless if you think about it. But all art is useless unless you're a some sort of dealer or contractor, and there lies the beauty of art - to appreciate something with no ulterior motives but beauty. When I get bored of doing this, I shall... eat chicken and drink lonely by myself... sigh.
But the big problem was, I didn't like who I was becoming. I mean, do I have innate geeky tendencies which is why I like to play with gadgets like ipads? or have I become a geek because I play with gadgets like ipads so often? I don't know, but I didn't like the idea of becoming a person who stared at a screen for hours on end. We have one life and to spend 95% of it on eating, shitting, sleeping, working, and watching a screen is truly depressing.
Then what kind of person should you become so that your life isn't depressing? I don't know. In honesty, it's all quite depressing at the end, since we're merely a dust speck in the universe. But I would like to be an important dust speck. You know, the dust speck that made a difference? The dust speck who loved and was loved by other dust specks.
So today when I go back home, I shall not turn on the computer nor open my ipad. I shall instead play my bass, which is also somewhat useless if you think about it. But all art is useless unless you're a some sort of dealer or contractor, and there lies the beauty of art - to appreciate something with no ulterior motives but beauty. When I get bored of doing this, I shall... eat chicken and drink lonely by myself... sigh.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
My first post on the ipad
Yes folks, this is my first post written on my ipad. I thought i woiuld write more once i got the ipad, but thats simply not true. In addition, i will not capitalise any of my i's, just because its damn annoyig to do so (and yes, its the wrong its, but adding an apostrophy is also damn annoimng on this thing.)
I have this long elaborate piece about my relationship with writing, but ill write more when im on a keyboard. This just feels to much like text messaging, and its pretty much impossible to have extended intelligent conversation on text messages.
Ps by the way, i got the grren smart cover. Anti-climactic, i know.
I have this long elaborate piece about my relationship with writing, but ill write more when im on a keyboard. This just feels to much like text messaging, and its pretty much impossible to have extended intelligent conversation on text messages.
Ps by the way, i got the grren smart cover. Anti-climactic, i know.
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